မင္းအတြက္ အင္တာဗ်ူး အေျဖ

ခပ္ရိုင္းရိုင္း ဟက္ကာတစ္ေယာက္ရဲ့ အင္တာဗ်ူးေလ်ွာက္လြွာလက္ခံပံုမ်ားကို ခပ္ျကမ္းျကမ္း ျပန္ေရးထားသည္။

Apparently my boss thought it would be a good idea for me to hire a new security guy for some upcoming work, so he posted on a few job sites and the results are sent to me. Turns out I hate everyone.

Dear person who has no chance of getting hired,

* I don’t give a fuck what your middle name is.
မင္းရဲ့ ေဆာက္ေရးမပါတဲ့ Middle နာမည္ ကို မသိခ်င္ဘူးကြ။
* I’m not reading 6 pages, you’re not that important.
ေဟ့ေကာင္။ မင္းေလ်ွာက္လြာ ၆မ်က္နွာေလာက္ေရးထားတာ ကို ငါ ဖတ္ဖို့အခ်ိန္မရွိဘူးကြ။ မင္းအဲေလာက္ အေရးမပါဘူး။
* Try to spell the name of the employer you “worked” at for 4 years correctly.
မင္း အလုပ္ရွင္ နာမည္ စာလံုး မွန္ေအာင္ မေပါင္းနိုင္ရင္ မင္းဘာလာလုပ္တာလဲ။
* Your “Objective” seems to be rather broad for a job listed as “Sr Security Engineer”.
ေခါင္းစဉ္က Senior Security အင္ဂ်င္နီယာေနာ္။ ေသခ်ာမွတ္ထား။

Objective: To contribute as VPE, CTO, principal architect, chief scientist, staff mentor, or hired gun consultant.

* Once again the title is “Sr Security Engineer”, that means don’t email me from your AOL account.
ထပ္ေျပာဦးမယ္။ Senior Security အင္ဂ်င္နီယာ။ မင္းဘိုးေအ AOL Free အီးေမးလ္ အေကာင့္ ကေန လာပို့မေနနဲ့။
* “System Administration and Network Security” is not a “Professional Association”, it’s a fucking sentence fragment.

* You listed “INTERNATIONAL HACKERS CONFERENCE LAS VEGAS” under “Education”, you mean defcon or blackhat was your professional edumafukincation???
မင္း ပညာအရည္အခ်င္းေအာက္မွာ "နိုင္ငံတကာ ဟက္ကာ ေဆြးေနြးပြဲ" ကို ထည့္ထားတာ၊ မင္း ရဲ့ အရည္အခ်င္းဆိုတာက အဲဒီကမွ စသိတဲ့ ဟာမ်ိုးလား။
* I understand you may not want to email your resume from your current employer, that’s fine, but if you don’t have at least one external email address you can get securly to, you’re not a “security guy” in the first place, go away.
မင္း အခု အလုပ္ကေန ေမးလ္ မပို့နိုင္တာ ဟုတ္ပါျပီ။ ဒါေပမယ့္ မင္း ကိုယ္ပိုင္ အီးေမးလ္ ေလး တစ္ခုမွ မရွိဘဲ၊ မင္းဘယ္လို Security ေကာင္ ျဖစ္မွာလဲ။
* We don’t hire one handed engineers, they type half as fast.
ေဟ့ေကာင္။ မင္း စာေလးရိုက္တာေတာင္ ဒီေလာက္ ျမန္ေအာင္ မရိုက္နိုင္ဘူးလား။ ငါတို့ လက္တစ္ဖက္ပဲ ရွိတဲ့ ေကာင္ကို မငွားဘူးကြ။

SUMMARY OF EXPERIENCE: Over 10 years of Hand - On IT Network Administrator experience
* A Windows 2003 Server logo in your resume is sad, pathetic and worthy of a cock punch.
မင္း ဝင္းဒိုး ၂၀၀၃ က အရုပ္ျကီးကို မင္း ေလ်ွာက္လြွာမွာ ထည့္ ထားတာ သိပ္ေစာက္ျမင္ကတ္စရာ ေကာင္းတယ္ကြာ။
* Yeah I get it, you’re Chinese and don’t like plural words, but when the proper name of a product contains an “s” at the end, try and fuckin use it.
အိုေက။ ငါသိျပီ။ မင္းတို့က တရုတ္ေတြ မို့လို့ အမ်ားစာလံုးေတြမွာ "s" ေတြ မထည့္တာငါသိပါတယ္။ ဒါေပမယ့္ နဂို ကတည္းက ပါတဲ့ "s" ကိုေတာ့ ေစာက္ဂရုေလးစိုက္ျပီး ထဲ့စမ္းပါကြာ။
Network Management Tool: Ciscowork LAN Management Solution, CiscoWork 2000, Cisco Call Manager
* Once afuckinggain how fucking half ass are you to not bother to change your objective to something that kind of sorta just maybe fits the position, this time the job title was “Senior Network Engineer”.
LIE TO ME AND PRETEND THAT IS WHAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO DO.
ေဟ့ေကာင္။ လာလိမ္ မေနနဲ့ မင္းလုပ္ခ်င္တာ Cisco အလုပ္၊ မင္းတတ္တယ္ဆိုတာလဲ အဲတာ။ ဒီမွာ Senior နက္ဝပ္ အင္ဂ်င္နီယာ လာလိမ္ျပီး ေလ်ွာက္မေနနဲ့။

Career Objective: To broaden expertise and apply my Electrical Engineering skill set in a creative manner to motivate present and future technologies.
"မိမိရဲ့ပညာကို အသံုးျပုျပီး ကိုယ္ရဲ့ေနာင္တစ္ခ်ိန္တိုးတက္မွုနဲ့ ေနာင္ေပါ္လာမယ့္ နည္းပညာေတြကို လိုက္စားခ်င္ပါတယ္"
* You sent your resume today at 8:38AM, 11:13AM and 5:15PM, I deleted all 3 at 9:22PM.
မင္း ေလ်ွာက္လြာ ပို့တာ ၃ခါရွိျပီ။ ငါအကုန္လံုး ဖ်က္ပလိုက္ျပီးျပီ။ ေဆာက္ပိုေတြ လာေျပာမေနနဲ့။
* If this appears in your resume, you’re not getting hired.
အဲဒီစာလံုးေတြပါတာနဲ့၊ မငွားဘူးလို့သာမွတ္ထား။

Member of International High IQ Society, USA
* Almost more than anything else, I don’t fucking care what frat house you were in.
မင္းဘာသာ ဘာေကာင္ဘဲျဖစ္ျဖစ္ ေဆာက္ဂရုမစိုက္ဘူးေဟ့။
* Gee, thanks for telling me about the position your applying for.
မင္းလုပ္ခ်င္တဲ့ ေနရာကို ေျပာသြားတာ ေက်းဇူးပါကြာ၊ ေတာက္။

The Solution Architect is a sales focused technology specialist who creates great client intimacy by their technical expertise. As well as being viewed as a trusted technical advisor to the client, as a Solution Architect I’m also involved in developing new products and services, by working as the technical arm of the Practice.

* Yes, it’s a technical resume, but this is just dumb
LANGUAGES: Spanish = Fluent
ဘာသာစကား။ စပိန္ဘာသာ = က်ြမ္းက်င္ျခင္း
* Is English that hard of a language? “and Linux in LAN”? wtf?
ဟမ္ အဂဿငလိပ္စာ။ အဲေလာက္ပဲ ခက္သလားကြာ။ LAN မွာ Linux??။ ဟမ္။ ဘာေတြလာေျပာေနတာလဲကြာ။

Have worked extensively for Troubleshooting and Designing networks comprising of Windows 2000/NT, Novell NetWare, and Linux in LAN as well as WAN.
* Use words that are words please.
စကားလံုးေတြ ေသခ်ာသံုးစမ္းပါ။ ဘာကို ဆိုလိုခ်င္မွန္းမသိဘူး။

Troubleshooting, upgradation of system hardware as and when required.
hardward ေတြျပင္တတ္၊ အဆင့္ျမွင့္တတ္ပါတယ္။
Upgradation of System BIOS and firmware with latest available version.
BIOS ကိုအပ္ဂရိတ္လုပ္ဖူးပါတယ္။
DOS 5.x 6.x.
DOS ဝင္းဒိုးမေပါ္ခင္က Text-based OS.
* It’s 2006, don’t put “proficient with a hammer” on your resume
အခု ၂၀၀၆ ခုနွစ္ေရာက္ေနျပီ။ မင္း တူေကာင္းေကာင္းသံုးတတ္တာ ဘာမွ သံုးစားလို့မရဘူး။

My technical career started in 1985 as a Senior Field Engineer
၁၉၈၅ ကတည္းက စီနီယာ အလုပ္လုပ္ပါတယ္။
* No, the word “Senior” implies that it didn’t start there, you’ve just had an inflated sense of importance from the start
စီနီယာ ဆိုတာ မင္း စလုပ္လုပ္ခဲ့တာကို ေမးတာမဟုတ္ဘူး။ မင္းကိုယ္ေမြးထားတဲ့ ျမင္း အထီးမွန္း မသိသလိုဘဲကြ။

* You worked for a company called “GetRelevant” during dot com, you obviously have bad judgment…maybe that’s why your job title goes from VP to manager?
မင္းအလုပ္လုပ္ဖူးတယ္ ဆိုတဲ့ ကုမဿပဏီဆိုတာက အခု သူမ်ားဝယ္သြားျပီ။ ဒါဟာ မင္းအသံုးမက်တာကို ျပတာပဲ။

Remarkable knowledge on FTP
FTP အေျကာင္း ေကာင္းေကာင္းျကီးသိတယ္။
* Well I have Remarkable knowledge on breathing
ေအး၊ ငါလဲ အသက္ ေကာင္းေကာင္းျကီး ရွူတတ္ပါတယ္ကြာ။

Pls find the profile of our consultant Jane Doe for QA positions
*Pls*
* In professional communications do not email me using IRC slang
အီေမးလ္မွာ ဒီလို စကားလံုး အတိုေတြ ဗန္းစကားေတြနဲ့ လာေရးမေနစမ္းနဲ့။

original - http://www.fthe.net/

သိလိုက္ရတာေတာ့၊ ဪ ဒီလိုလူမ်ိုးေတြပါလားလို့။ ဟဟ။